psychokidfandomcom-20200223-history
Psycho Kid's Birthday Bash/Transcript
This is the transcript for ''Psycho Kid's Birthday Bash''. Transcript [[Jesse Ridgway|'Jesse']]: No, I don't- Jesse's Girlfriend: It's your birthday! Jesse: I don't wanna turn 23. I feel like I'm 12 right now, so that's nice. Jesse's Girlfriend: Well, what do you think is, what do you think you got? Jesse: Well, you already got me something, why is there a pink- Jesse's Girlfriend: I did, this is from.. Jesse: That's not from you? Jesse's Girlfriend: No. Jesse: Corn, did you get me a pingball? Corn: (laughs behind the camera) Jesse's Girlfriend: It's obviously him. Jesse: Is that cake done, yet, Mom? [[Theresa Abraham-Ridgway|'Theresa']]: Here it comes! (Theresa comes out from the kitchen holding a birthday cake, which only has five candles.) Jesse: Why is there only five candles? Theresa: It's a 2, and a 3, for 23. Jesse: They didn't have the uhh, big number ones? Theresa: No... Jesse's Girlfriend: I'm sorry, I tried really hard! I'm sorry. Theresa: I think it's beautiful. Jesse: Where the fuck is Dad? Theresa: Jeff! We're gonna sing! (Jeff Sr. doesn't respond.) Theresa: JEFF! Jeffrey: Dad, come on! [[Jeffrey Ridgway Sr.|'Jeff Sr.']]: (walks out from bedroom) I'm coming! The stinkin' games are on. Jesse: Alright, let's get it over with. Theresa: Alright, but it's your son's birthday. We're gonna sing. Jeff Sr.: I know, I thought we were gonna do it on his birthday! Theresa: Could you dim the lights? Jesse: (to Jeff Sr.) Yeah, I told you earlier we were celebrating today. Jeff Sr.: Whatever. (Jeff Sr. dims the lights.) Jesse: Are you guys actually singing right now? Everyone except Jesse: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Jesse, happy birthday to you. (Jesse blows out the candles. Everyone claps their hands.) Jesse's Girlfriend: Yay! [[Jeffrey Ridgway Jr.|'Jeffrey']]: Great, now mono's on the cake. Theresa: Did you make a wish? Jesse: I did, I did. Theresa: Nice. (Jeff Sr. turns the lights back on.) Jeff Sr.: What'd you wish for? Lights? A new home? Jesse: I wished Jeffrey would grow the fuck up. Jeff Sr.: You guys need to leave each other alone. Jesse: I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do gifts instead of cake. I'm gonna open them first. Theresa: That sounds good. Jesse: Alright, you could probably get stuff, like, ready while I'm doing this? (Theresa walks toward the kitchen.) Jesse: You know what? Corn did this one. (Jesse grabs an oddly shaped gift) You can tell by the- you can tell by the wrapping. This is like fucking recycled paper, too. [[Zachary Cornatzer|'Corn']]: I don't claim to be a, uh, professional gift wrapper, all right? (laughs) Jesse: It's not even birthday themed, he totally just found something lying around at Walmart at like, two in the morning, last night. Jesse: Look at that. What is this? Is this a trashbag? Or a basket? (Jesse unwraps the paper and sees what's in it. Corn laughs.) Jesse: Fucking ass. Jesse's Girlfriend: What is it? Jesse: He got me ping pong balls. The same shit he gives me every year! It's the gift that keeps on giving. Corn: Yeah! Jesse: One star. Corn: Aww. This is all I had. Jesse: (??) Not actually recently. Because of my spleen. Jeffrey: Your spleen, your spleen... Jesse: Yeah, actually. Jesse: Alright, so you actually gave me this? Jeffrey: I did. Jesse: Are you serious? Jeffrey: I didn't know what your favorite store was, so I.. Jesse: Victoria's Secret? Funny. Jesse: Lets see what you got me. What the FUCK? (revealed to be dog poop) WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? (Jeffrey starts laughing) Jeffrey: It's literally fucking shit! (Jeffrey laughs more) Jeff Sr.: Why would you give him shit?! Seriously! Theresa: Jeffrey! Jesse: There's a piece of dog shit on the dining room table! Jeff Sr.: Why would you do it?! (Theresa comes with a paper towel and cleans up the poop) Jeffrey: There's a gift bag and you just put your hand in it? Jesse: There's a gift bag! I assumed there was actually fucking gifts inside! Jesse: Mom, can I get a fucking napkin or something? Jeffrey: Well Jesse, I knew how much you loved the outside, and you wanted to give back to nature. (Jesse throws the paper towel at Jeffrey) Jeff Sr.: Why would you put it on the dinner table? Jesse: I thought it was -- Oh wait, it's on him. Jeff Sr.: Yeah! Jesse: Mom, I need like a wipe or something! Jeff Sr.: You need a disinfectant! Jesse's Girlfriend: Oh my god, that's awful. Jesse: It's alright. Just give me that. I don't want this stuff to ruin my birthday. You're trying to ruin my- (Jesse grabs another gift). Jesse: Is this from you? Theresa: Yes it is! Jesse: Well, do you want to be here while I open it? Theresa: Yeah, just let me give you one. Jeff Sr.: Go down here and pick up this shit, would ya? Jeffrey: Alright, alright. (Jesse throws the wipe at Jeffrey) Theresa: It landed here, right? Jeff Sr.: It's all over the place! (Jesse opens the gift and laughs in excitement) Jesse: Good shit! Jesse's Girlfriend: Aw, Mario Kart! Jesse: Remember when I used to have this? Jeff Sr.: Why would you get him that? Jesse: It's not from both of you guys? Theresa: Because it's his birthday, it's a present! Jeff Sr.: It doesn't matter! We've had all these issues over the years and you get him this?! Jesse: I actually had this but you broke the other one! Jeff Sr.: Right! Jesse: So it's actually replacing the other one-- Jeff Sr.: So why'd you get it again?! Theresa: Because you ruined his! What do you mean why'd I get it again? Jeff Sr.: I can't believe this. Jesse: What? Jeff Sr.: Why didn't you check with me? Theresa: I don't have to check with you! Jeff Sr.: You should! Theresa: Come on, it's his birthday! Jesse: So wait, let me get this straight, so you- so you didn't get anything? Jeff Sr.: No! This is from both of us, I thought, but I guess not! Jesse: Why- Why didn't- I'm not trying to make a scene, I'm not trying to risk losing the house or anything, but like, why the fuck didn't you get me anything for my birthday? Jeff Sr.: You know what we've been through! Your back in the house, that was enough! Jeffrey: You're doing this for a new spleen. Jeff Sr.: JT, let go. Seriously. Jeffrey: I, I'm sorry, I let go. I'm good! Jeff Sr.: I can't believe it. Theresa: Well, believe it! Jesse: (to Corn) Wanna try to play some Mario Kart tonight? Corn: Of course! Jeff Sr.: We have every other console in here! Why do you need to get him another one? Jesse: I don't have this one, because you fucking broke it! Jeff Sr.: We don't need this one! Jesse: It was the same time you kicked me out of the house! Jeff Sr.: Keep pushing it and you'll be out again! (Jesse pauses for a second, listening to what Jeff Sr. just said to him.) Jesse: Really? For my fucking birthday? Theresa: This is his birthday! Can you please tone it down for a bit?! Jeff Sr.: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm trying. Jeffrey: Watch out, there might be shit-- Jesse! Jesse: You didn't even get me anything either, so shut the fuck up! Jeffrey: It's not your birthday. Jeff Sr.: Leave him alone! Jesse: I'm not trying, I'm not trying- Jeff Sr.: I can't believe it! Seri- (groans in exasperation) (Jesse unwraps the GamePad.) Jesse: Do you know if I'm able to sync the old GamePad- Jeff Sr.: And there's a COMPUTER WITH IT TOO?! Jesse: It's not - What the fuck are you talking about, computer? It's a- Jeff Sr.: What's that?! Jesse: It's a GamePad, and it's a fucking console! That's it! Why do you even care? Theresa: Just let it be! Jeff Sr.: NO! It's not! It's ridiculous! It's ridiculous! (Jeff Sr. picks up the Wii U.) Jesse: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! DAD! (Jesse knocks the ping pong balls off the tables and trips over them) Jesse: FUCK! SHIT! Dad, what the f**k are you-- (Jeff Sr. throws the Wii U at the glass door) Jesse: SHIT! DAAAD! Jeff Sr.: You made me throw at this stinking window! Jesse: I JUST GOT THAT FOR MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!! DAD!! (Jeff Sr. throws the Wii U at a tree, breaking the console.) Jesse: HOLY SHIT! Theresa: Oh. My. God! Jeff Sr.: You've got enough games! Jesse: I'm fucking done, I'm fucking done. Theresa: You're a-- You're an idiot! Why would you do that?! That doesn't make any sense! Jeff Sr.: Why didn't it make any sense? Jesse: (sarcastically) I can just buy a new one! Theresa: Just- Just think about it! What do you mean we should have- Jeff Sr.: He's got enough consoles! He doesn't need another one- Jesse: YEAH? (Jesse picks up the birthday cake and throws it at Jeff Sr., getting some frosting on his arm and shirt) Jesse: FUCK YOU! Jeff Sr.: Oh! (Jeffrey giggles.) Jesse: FUCK YOU! Jeff Sr.: That's lovely! Yeah! Jesse: I can't fucking do this. I get cake all over my fucking hands. (Jesse throws box at Jeffrey and Jeffrey throws a ping ball at Jesse.) Jeff Sr.: Stinkin' lovely, isn't it! Theresa: You deserve it! Jeff Sr.: (to Jesse) Keep going! Keep going! (Jesse walks outside) Jeffrey: Jesse! Jesse you forgot -- you forgot your gift! Jesse: I don't want your bag of fucking shit, dude! (Jesse throws the bag at Jeffrey and Jeffrey runs back into the house) Jesse: Get back in the fucking house where you belong, with dad! (Jesse picks up the Wii U to inspect the damage) Jesse: FUCK! Jesse: (yelling at dogs barking at him) SHUT UP!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! (Jesse looks extremely angry, and in a fit of blind rage, throws the Wii U at the glass door) Jesse: FUCKING SHIT! PIECE OF SHIT! (Jesse throws the Wii U at the glass door again) Jesse: How about I BUST DOWN YOUR FUCKING DOOR, HUH? Jesse: I'LL BUST DOWN YOUR FUCKING DOOR! (Jesse throws the Wii U at the glass door again, this time smashing it to pieces) Jesse: FUCK!!! YOU!!!!!!! (Jeffrey comes to see what the noise was) Jesse: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!! Jeffrey: You broke the fucking door?! Jesse: 'CAUSE MY DOOR GOT BROKEN TOO! Jeffrey: Are you fucking kidding me?! (Jesse's Girlfriend cuddles Jesse) Jesse: (starts regretting what he did) Fucking.. Oh fuck. Fuck. Jeffrey: What the fuck did you do? Jesse's Girlfriend: Are you bleeding? Jesse: Yeah. Fuck.. Jesse's Girlfriend: Jesse, you're bleeding.. Jesse: We gotta go. We gotta go back to your house, dude. Corn: Sure. Jesse: *Jesse's Girlfriend*, you gotta come too. (Jesse steps on a piece of glass). Ow, fuck! Category:Transcripts